For a few good laughs...

comedytrax.com






Before you go...

MEDICAL EXAMINATIONS

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her
baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted
the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I
noticed that there were several cabs -- and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, Texas

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an
elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
"Big breaths," I instructed.
"Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife
that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more
than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the
family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having
trouble with one of his medications. "Which one? " I asked.
"The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours
and now I'm running out of places to put it!"
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't
see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the
instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a
new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, Virginia

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
"How long have you been bedridden?"
After a look of complete confusion she answered..."Why, not for
about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, Oregon

6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast
this morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get
used to the taste," the patient replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, Michigan

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman
with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a
variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was
quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she
was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely
disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic
hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that
read, "Keep off the grass."
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on
the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY!!!................

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite
embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams To cover my
embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling
softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam
suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked
up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling
you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, 'I
wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'!".
Dr. wouldn't submit his name




more coming soon... fun again!